Tuesday, October 7, 2014

A Weekend with Monks: After Spiritual Direction

Last week I spent several days at a monastery outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  This is a select journal entry from my time there.


This is how my session of spiritual direction ended: Father Bachman looked concernedly into my eyes (think Gandalf looking into Pippin's eyes in Lord of the Rings) and said, "let me pray for you".  Then, without another word, his eyes got big and he stood up and SPRINTED out of the room, black cloak billowing behind him, looking once again like professor Snape.  What??!  In my experience when somebody says, "let me pray for you", they typically pray for you right then and there.  Why did he run??  Am I possessed??  Is there something I need to know about myself which tends to make holy men want to sprint away from me??  I THINK he may have been late for compline... but I don't know.  Bizarre... really bizarre.

A Weekend with Monks: Things I would Miss

Last week I spent several days at a monastery outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  This is a select journal entry from my time there.

I have been asking myself what I would miss if I were to give up everything to be a monk.  To my surprise, so many things!  New movies, knowing smirks at inappropriate moments, dressing like an idiot, music! (speaking of music, I'm currently taking a mental break with the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack... in a monastery... how is that NOT funny?  Maybe I have been couped up too long as I am actually dying laughing thinking about that... I think I am one step away from drawing a face on a volleyball and calling it Wilson.) the freedom to walk farther than 2 miles, road trips, good fiction books, girls, strange items in the wal-mart pharmacy, the ability to laugh at some of the silly things these monks do, Alfredo's!, talks with Phil, Kraig and Brenton's relentless harassment, Skyler's crazy wisdom (or is it idiocy?), poop jokes!, ah Lily and Ruby, ugly Kansas jokes, colors other than white and black, harassing Kevin and Amanda, text messaging funny dog picture, spontaneity!, working out with a crazy pre-workout, thinking systematically through problems (here, I don't think they perceive any problems in need of working through), youtube!, starbucks, and that is all I have time to think of right now.  Thank You for all these things.

A Weekend with Monks: After Vespers

Last week I spent several days at a monastery outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  This is a select journal entry from my time there.

I couldn't help but think Vespers played out as if I was watching some insane, eccentric stage director direct the monks at his whismy in the worst play ever.  "ooo!  Let's have everybody stand in straight lines wearing all black!  Oh oh, wait!  You three, yes you there, wear white robes, not black ones.  And candles!  Bring in some candles after you feel the song has gone on long enough.  30 minutes of singing in latin should do it.  MORE white!  We MUST have more white!  You all wear white too.  And capes!  Gold capes!  And more candles!  Bring in more candles my capies.  Now walk in a circle and kneel.  Hm... nope, I don't like it, go back in a circle the other way walking backwards and kneel again.  Everybody sit down.  You!  In the black, stand up awkwardly and sing one syllable by yourself!  Sit back down.  Everybody stand up and sing together now!  WAIT!!!  More candles! Must have more candles.  Get a gold dangly candle and wiggle it around in front of everybody's face!  Perfect.  While he is doing that, capies, you all go prance around and do an uncomfortable kneeling dance while holding hands.  You know, the one where you all prance around kneel randomly in unison... perfection."